Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
