I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
