Christians are straight up FREAKS
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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