he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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