I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
