Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
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