I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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