You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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