Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
