Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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