after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
