so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
