Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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