I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
