Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
