you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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