I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
