He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
