just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
True college students do jello shots in the library
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