it was like eating out sand paper
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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