My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
