You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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