It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
