She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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