You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
