Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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