So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
