you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
