Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
