This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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