Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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