Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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