I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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