theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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