So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
