Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
