i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
