why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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