this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
