turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
