here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
And then my night got REAL pukey
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
