there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
