I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
