I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
