i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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