True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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