You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
