Your face is a jimmy john
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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