did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
