Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Randomize
