i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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