We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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