i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
My vagina just clenched in fear
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
