Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
