Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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