You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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